I don’t understand our past. It’s all jumbled. It’s like a story that someone told to one person and that person heard it wrong then told someone else then told someone else the totally wrong story and then it turns into a big misunderstanding. But it’s from our history, so everybody believes it! If “G-d” could talk to Moses and Avraham and other people, why doesn’t G-D talk to us?
And “G-d!” It’s not that I don’t believe in “G-d,” I just don’t believe what the Torah has tried to teach me. I believe in more of an energy then a cloud, or something that stays in the sky watching over us and shaming us for all of our littering, and killing, and for the people we call our “leaders.”
It just makes more sense for “G-d” to be somewhat of an energy. If “G-d” is what the Torah has taught us, then why doesn’t He really talk to us!? People have been trying to figure these questions out for YEARS!! So many questions that we want answered, but just can’t be. Even though these situations are right on our fingertips all the time! Maybe I’ll never know until I die, but it will be one of the most confusing thing I’ll ever think about. And because of that, those are some reasons I struggle to believe in “G-d” and our past.
I hear your struggle and I have felt the same challenges that you have for years. Part of the beauty of Judaism is that it is okay to struggle and not feel like you have all the answers. The important part is that you continue to struggle and try to understand, even if you can never fully get there.
Your post really resonated with me. I love the confusing story of the Jewish people mostly because I love history and the very different versions of history that exist depending on who is telling the story. I also connect with your frustration about G-d. Let me know whenever you want to talk about it!
Shira, as you know, I also struggle with this question. My love of Torah and Jewish history is not necessarily connected with God, and I don’t think it needs to be. There are so many ways to be a Jew. You can live in Israel, speak Hebrew, volunteer, read Jewish novels, learn Yiddish.. the list goes on and on! It’s totally okay to not connect with the idea of God (especially the way God is portrayed in the Torah). I feel lucky to be part of a religion that is also a People. And I feel lucky everyday that Judaism encourages questioning. I am always open to continuing this conversation…